So many
have been asking and encouraging me to share about marriage. Which honestly is so interesting to me because often Kenny and I fail. We struggle. We are human and humans make mistakes.
In life each of us are just doing the best we can. We don't have a users manual or a how to guide. We just show up and react to what life brings us.
That's both good and bad.
Because our actions are often defense mechanisms. We only know what we are taught OR what we are willing to go out of our way to learn or unlearn.
I want to encourage you to LEARN about marriage, about your spouse, about you.
You can look at the next couple on social media. How perfect they look. Their life, their love, their family & be envious. Compare yourself and your marriage. Pick apart your spouse because they don't do what her husband does. Let me just tell you, your marriage is yours alone. You have nothing to prove to the next person on facebook or instagram. When you're showing up for them, chances are your letting down that human laying in bed beside you.
Butttt real talk, your spouse can be super annoying sometimes.
Kenny often wouldn't act right. He wouldn't respond how I would want him to respond. He didn't bring me flowers. He wouldn't plan date nights or even want go on dates with me. He left his beard shavings all over the counter and his clothes all over the floor.
The most annoying things. && I would stressssss over it.
I looked at him and thought, I wish he would change this. I would proceed to go out of my way to try and train it out of him. I would do things to change his behavior, his actions, his response.
I would nag and pick because I didn't like they way he would act. I would set him up to respond a specific way, but never tell him what I wanted && inevitably he would fail.
Ya'll if you're doing it that way expecting them to magically change. Well, that's not gonna happen.
If you want your spouse to change its starts by YOU changing.
It was a roughhhhh reality for me to hear that.
I needed to change? What was wrong with me? He's the one doing the things I don't want him to. I surely cant be to blame. However, it was true and when I was able to face that and focus on me, our marriage not only improved but we had more fun. I felt more at ease.
You see, I was the one being mean.
I was the one who picked apart his behavior, who judged how he responded. I was the one expecting him to do, say and think a specific way. I would expect him to know and act exactly how I wanted him to. What about him? I married him for a reason, but here I was trying to muffle out that person. To mold him into someone different out.
This wasn't a him problem. This was a me problem.
TRUST ME.
It wasn't an overnight process. I am still a work in progress today, but because I'm willing to show up for our marriage its growing for the better.
I decided to start a short weekly marriage series with my top tips. Things I've learned and how they have helped me in my relationship growth. So every Thursday come back, check it and see what I'm sharing! Please, subscribe & drop a comment if you're excited to dig into this!
have been asking and encouraging me to share about marriage. Which honestly is so interesting to me because often Kenny and I fail. We struggle. We are human and humans make mistakes.
In life each of us are just doing the best we can. We don't have a users manual or a how to guide. We just show up and react to what life brings us.
That's both good and bad.
Because our actions are often defense mechanisms. We only know what we are taught OR what we are willing to go out of our way to learn or unlearn.
I want to encourage you to LEARN about marriage, about your spouse, about you.
You can look at the next couple on social media. How perfect they look. Their life, their love, their family & be envious. Compare yourself and your marriage. Pick apart your spouse because they don't do what her husband does. Let me just tell you, your marriage is yours alone. You have nothing to prove to the next person on facebook or instagram. When you're showing up for them, chances are your letting down that human laying in bed beside you.Butttt real talk, your spouse can be super annoying sometimes.
Kenny often wouldn't act right. He wouldn't respond how I would want him to respond. He didn't bring me flowers. He wouldn't plan date nights or even want go on dates with me. He left his beard shavings all over the counter and his clothes all over the floor.
The most annoying things. && I would stressssss over it.
I looked at him and thought, I wish he would change this. I would proceed to go out of my way to try and train it out of him. I would do things to change his behavior, his actions, his response.
I would nag and pick because I didn't like they way he would act. I would set him up to respond a specific way, but never tell him what I wanted && inevitably he would fail.
Ya'll if you're doing it that way expecting them to magically change. Well, that's not gonna happen.
If you want your spouse to change its starts by YOU changing.
It was a roughhhhh reality for me to hear that.
I needed to change? What was wrong with me? He's the one doing the things I don't want him to. I surely cant be to blame. However, it was true and when I was able to face that and focus on me, our marriage not only improved but we had more fun. I felt more at ease.
You see, I was the one being mean.
I was the one who picked apart his behavior, who judged how he responded. I was the one expecting him to do, say and think a specific way. I would expect him to know and act exactly how I wanted him to. What about him? I married him for a reason, but here I was trying to muffle out that person. To mold him into someone different out.
This wasn't a him problem. This was a me problem.
TRUST ME.
It wasn't an overnight process. I am still a work in progress today, but because I'm willing to show up for our marriage its growing for the better.
I decided to start a short weekly marriage series with my top tips. Things I've learned and how they have helped me in my relationship growth. So every Thursday come back, check it and see what I'm sharing! Please, subscribe & drop a comment if you're excited to dig into this!
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