Know your love language.
Friends, this is key. Knowing your personality and love language is such a powerful tool. When you merge two people together in a relationship, its more than just you. This is ANY relationship, not just with your spouse. This is you and your momma, your best friend, the girl you sit next to at work.
No two people think, act, respond, internalize things the same. When you realize that no one else understands or thinks like you its kind of liberating. We get caught in our own minds often. We tell ourselves certain things that we believe to be true, but turns out they aren't always.
How do you figure out what is true and what isn't? It starts by understanding who you are. Remember how I said last week, if you want to change your spouse it starts with you? THIS is the first step!
For me, I needed to figure out my personality type to figure out who I am. What makes me tick? I'll share the image I love and use here! Its the Dani Johnsons gemstone personality type, literally I googled gemstone personality type && then choose images and hundreds pop up. This picture has taught me so much about people its crazy. I dug in and learned and watched others to see how their behavior is dictated by one of these key gemstones. Unfortunately the one I use is a broken link on Pinterest so I cant cite the original. But regardless, its gold. Whoever made it is a genius & helped me embrace me. I want you to check it out and see which you are. I learned, these can change over time. && you can have more than one but most people have ONE predominate gemstone.
Please, I would love if you comment below which you are!
I am an Ruby/Emerald personality type. This means that I love being competitive, pushing limits, I'm motivated by goals and challenges. I'm very bossy, forward, goal oriented. I love being recognized and celebrated. But I also love plans, order, routine. I'm a no bullshit straight to the point kind of person. When I don't have routine, I'm anxious. When I'm not working towards some goal, I'm numb and lost. This helped me build my day to day for success. To feel self worth and be inspired to live at my personality needs and potential. I can use my strengths instead of leaning on my weaknesses. it gives me the power to create happiness and pride within me.
So now I know my personality type butttttt what's next?
How does that help a marriage?
For me, it was all about realizing what I needed from others to feel loved. && I heard about this thing called love languages. I took this nifty quiz which told me how I want to be loved. Weird, but so dang cool because its so true. When you can learn how your mind works, you can learn to realize what your looking for from others. How you are validated, why you react and respond to certain things, what motivates you in a relationship.
Go take it here for yourself & comment below what your top love language is!
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Once I figured out my personality &&& how I want to be loved by others it allowed me to control my rash, initial responses. When I wanted something from Kenny I could express it and explain why without feeling crazy. Its truly who I am deep down.
I learned that he is NOT a mind reader, no matter how hard I want him to be. He is wayyy different in personality type but also love language. In order for us to work, its balancing BOTH of our needs.
My love language is quality time. I want to spend time with people I love making memories. && not just being in the same room. True time together, talking, enjoying company. When I get that I feel loved, I feel like I matter, I love better because I feel accepted. Because I understand this I can set expectations for our marriage to meet my needs -- weekly date nights, changing my work hours so my off time is time together, planning adventures and family time.
Learning these didn't come without pushback. Just because I wanted to dig into this, doesn't mean he did/does. I had to be ok with growing into this even if he isn't there yet.When I can show up better he naturally shows up better. I can love better which makes him feel accepted which results in him being more loving to me. Its kinda like supply and demand.
Over time as I use my words to explain in situations what I need he's understanding it more and is able to love me how I need loved.
The biggest thing I learned is that as humans, we naturally love in our love languages. Since mine is quality time, I try to plan things with friends, with people I love. I want to meet up in person. Why? Well, because it makes me feel loved. However, not everyone loves the same way. Things I'm doing may show love to me, but not to my spouse. They love you in THEIR love language.
I pushed Kenny to take the test so that me - the emerald personality type could understand what HE needs.
Turns out, his love language is personal touch and acts of service. Him kissing, touching, loving me or taking out the trash, picking up around the house. That's him showing me he loves me. The hard part is that's not what makes me feel loved. Having this knowledge helps me navigate the waters. I can recognize what he's doing as love. It also gives me the power to show him love how HE wants it shown and permission to tell him what I need.
Let me wrap this up by saying, just KNOWING your personality and love language isn't the thing that will make your marriage good, happy or perfect. Its what you do with the knowledge. It's letting go of the expectations and working on it.
It truly comes down to communication.
Because I know what I need, I can recognize when I'm feeling distant and some sort of way. I realize when we don't get time together, I don't feel connected which means I don't want to be psychical, which means his love language isn't fulfilled. Which means we both suffer. However, if I feel those emotions I can recognize it, address it figure out how to solve it; which results in a happier marriage!
Full circle yall!
If this was helpful, please comment below; remember I love that recognition!
Share it with your friends & please, go follow me for daily shenanigans and encouragement!
IG -- @deidra_weaver
FB -- D Weaver Fitness
Friends, this is key. Knowing your personality and love language is such a powerful tool. When you merge two people together in a relationship, its more than just you. This is ANY relationship, not just with your spouse. This is you and your momma, your best friend, the girl you sit next to at work.
No two people think, act, respond, internalize things the same. When you realize that no one else understands or thinks like you its kind of liberating. We get caught in our own minds often. We tell ourselves certain things that we believe to be true, but turns out they aren't always.How do you figure out what is true and what isn't? It starts by understanding who you are. Remember how I said last week, if you want to change your spouse it starts with you? THIS is the first step!
For me, I needed to figure out my personality type to figure out who I am. What makes me tick? I'll share the image I love and use here! Its the Dani Johnsons gemstone personality type, literally I googled gemstone personality type && then choose images and hundreds pop up. This picture has taught me so much about people its crazy. I dug in and learned and watched others to see how their behavior is dictated by one of these key gemstones. Unfortunately the one I use is a broken link on Pinterest so I cant cite the original. But regardless, its gold. Whoever made it is a genius & helped me embrace me. I want you to check it out and see which you are. I learned, these can change over time. && you can have more than one but most people have ONE predominate gemstone.
Please, I would love if you comment below which you are!
I am an Ruby/Emerald personality type. This means that I love being competitive, pushing limits, I'm motivated by goals and challenges. I'm very bossy, forward, goal oriented. I love being recognized and celebrated. But I also love plans, order, routine. I'm a no bullshit straight to the point kind of person. When I don't have routine, I'm anxious. When I'm not working towards some goal, I'm numb and lost. This helped me build my day to day for success. To feel self worth and be inspired to live at my personality needs and potential. I can use my strengths instead of leaning on my weaknesses. it gives me the power to create happiness and pride within me.
So now I know my personality type butttttt what's next?
How does that help a marriage?
For me, it was all about realizing what I needed from others to feel loved. && I heard about this thing called love languages. I took this nifty quiz which told me how I want to be loved. Weird, but so dang cool because its so true. When you can learn how your mind works, you can learn to realize what your looking for from others. How you are validated, why you react and respond to certain things, what motivates you in a relationship.
Go take it here for yourself & comment below what your top love language is!
https://www.5lovelanguages.com/
Once I figured out my personality &&& how I want to be loved by others it allowed me to control my rash, initial responses. When I wanted something from Kenny I could express it and explain why without feeling crazy. Its truly who I am deep down.
I learned that he is NOT a mind reader, no matter how hard I want him to be. He is wayyy different in personality type but also love language. In order for us to work, its balancing BOTH of our needs.
My love language is quality time. I want to spend time with people I love making memories. && not just being in the same room. True time together, talking, enjoying company. When I get that I feel loved, I feel like I matter, I love better because I feel accepted. Because I understand this I can set expectations for our marriage to meet my needs -- weekly date nights, changing my work hours so my off time is time together, planning adventures and family time.
Learning these didn't come without pushback. Just because I wanted to dig into this, doesn't mean he did/does. I had to be ok with growing into this even if he isn't there yet.When I can show up better he naturally shows up better. I can love better which makes him feel accepted which results in him being more loving to me. Its kinda like supply and demand.
Over time as I use my words to explain in situations what I need he's understanding it more and is able to love me how I need loved.
The biggest thing I learned is that as humans, we naturally love in our love languages. Since mine is quality time, I try to plan things with friends, with people I love. I want to meet up in person. Why? Well, because it makes me feel loved. However, not everyone loves the same way. Things I'm doing may show love to me, but not to my spouse. They love you in THEIR love language.
I pushed Kenny to take the test so that me - the emerald personality type could understand what HE needs.
Turns out, his love language is personal touch and acts of service. Him kissing, touching, loving me or taking out the trash, picking up around the house. That's him showing me he loves me. The hard part is that's not what makes me feel loved. Having this knowledge helps me navigate the waters. I can recognize what he's doing as love. It also gives me the power to show him love how HE wants it shown and permission to tell him what I need.
Let me wrap this up by saying, just KNOWING your personality and love language isn't the thing that will make your marriage good, happy or perfect. Its what you do with the knowledge. It's letting go of the expectations and working on it.
It truly comes down to communication.
Because I know what I need, I can recognize when I'm feeling distant and some sort of way. I realize when we don't get time together, I don't feel connected which means I don't want to be psychical, which means his love language isn't fulfilled. Which means we both suffer. However, if I feel those emotions I can recognize it, address it figure out how to solve it; which results in a happier marriage!
Full circle yall!
Ill really dig into this overtime but I want to challenge you this week to learn these about you. Ask your spouse to take the quiz. Then use the knowledge to love your spouse better.
Share it with your friends & please, go follow me for daily shenanigans and encouragement!
IG -- @deidra_weaver
FB -- D Weaver Fitness
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