Always say how you feel or what you want.
This topic compounds on some of the others I've already covered but I think it's so important it needs it own blog post, so let's dig in!
How many times do you want your spouse to do something a certain way? Say a certain thing? Apologize for hurting your feelings? Take you somewhere special?
BUTTT we don't say it or ask for it well, because sometimes it would just be nice to be surprised. ORRR they should already know how you feel. When you get in the argument and 3 days later you're still upset and he acts like he doesn't know why.... **eye roll** he SHOULD know what he did.
The problem is, he doesn't.
Your spouse isn't a mind reader.
I know, its logical. I know you know that, but how many times do you catch yourself expecting them to respond perfectly. The issue goes back again to we are two different people brought together and just because you think, act and respond one way doesn't mean they do.
I'm not saying you guys can't learn how the other thinks, acts and responds. Over time you totally can but it takes tons of communication & today is the best day to start working on it!
When your feelings are hurt, its OK to say so.
Calling myself out here. I'm strong. I like to just deal with things. I don't like to feel because it makes me feel weak. I'm working on it. I found when I keep it to myself, I will hold onto it. Create a grudge, resentment until finally one day... he blinks the wrong direction and I snap. Mad, upset about everything and pull up these issues from months ago he never even knew bothered me. && of course since I'm hurt, it hurts him. The mean things I say, the way I act makes him feel unwanted. Where as if instead of holding every issue in, if I would have said it when it happened then I would have stopped the behavior in its track. Helped him realized why I felt and how so we can fix it.
Before our wedding we had to do a counseling, our pastor told us this analogy that stuck with me.
Think of every issue as a brick. You have a brick and its sitting between you two. If you pretend it isn't there it just sits. Then the next brick is placed. Again unaddressed, it sits. This continues until one day, you have a wall of problems between you two pushing you away from each other.
His advise, instead of waiting on the wall to build up attack each brick as its placed, so nothing comes between you two.
When you are in a funk/mood/upset voice it.
Are you having a rough day. Maybe it has NOTHING to do with your spouse. But you're in a mood, don't feel good, you just want to unwind and relax. You want to go to bed early. Send them a text, give them a call, tell them when you get home that you're just not feeling you and you would love <insert what you need to feel better> WHY? because they have no idea how your day was. They don't know what's going on in your head. They don't know what will make you better. but they can help if you give them the chance.
When you are thankful for your spouse, make sure you tell them.
Did they do some chores around the house? Notice it and thank them! Let them know how much it means. I get it, they live there too, they should do their part. But how would you feel if your spouse recognized when you do things! I know me, Id feel like superwoman vs feeling like I'm not doing enough.
Do you love when they give you the biggest greeting when you walk in the door? Tell them how much it means to you!
Do you love how they smile? Next time they do it, tell them how it's your favorite.
I feel often as a marriage goes, the norm is to just get by. Do what you need to get to bed time while you're trying to get everything done. You know, the mundane. One day it'll be better or easier.
I don't want you to just get by. That means it takes noticing the little things. It takes communication. It means trusting them with your heart, emotions and feelings.
This week, I encourage you. Start practicing using your voice. Trying to say how you feel and what you want. Not only will it help them, but it will help you understand your own heart and thought process!
This topic compounds on some of the others I've already covered but I think it's so important it needs it own blog post, so let's dig in!
How many times do you want your spouse to do something a certain way? Say a certain thing? Apologize for hurting your feelings? Take you somewhere special?
BUTTT we don't say it or ask for it well, because sometimes it would just be nice to be surprised. ORRR they should already know how you feel. When you get in the argument and 3 days later you're still upset and he acts like he doesn't know why.... **eye roll** he SHOULD know what he did.
The problem is, he doesn't.
I know, its logical. I know you know that, but how many times do you catch yourself expecting them to respond perfectly. The issue goes back again to we are two different people brought together and just because you think, act and respond one way doesn't mean they do.
I'm not saying you guys can't learn how the other thinks, acts and responds. Over time you totally can but it takes tons of communication & today is the best day to start working on it!
When your feelings are hurt, its OK to say so.
Calling myself out here. I'm strong. I like to just deal with things. I don't like to feel because it makes me feel weak. I'm working on it. I found when I keep it to myself, I will hold onto it. Create a grudge, resentment until finally one day... he blinks the wrong direction and I snap. Mad, upset about everything and pull up these issues from months ago he never even knew bothered me. && of course since I'm hurt, it hurts him. The mean things I say, the way I act makes him feel unwanted. Where as if instead of holding every issue in, if I would have said it when it happened then I would have stopped the behavior in its track. Helped him realized why I felt and how so we can fix it.
Before our wedding we had to do a counseling, our pastor told us this analogy that stuck with me.
Think of every issue as a brick. You have a brick and its sitting between you two. If you pretend it isn't there it just sits. Then the next brick is placed. Again unaddressed, it sits. This continues until one day, you have a wall of problems between you two pushing you away from each other.
His advise, instead of waiting on the wall to build up attack each brick as its placed, so nothing comes between you two.
When you are in a funk/mood/upset voice it.
Are you having a rough day. Maybe it has NOTHING to do with your spouse. But you're in a mood, don't feel good, you just want to unwind and relax. You want to go to bed early. Send them a text, give them a call, tell them when you get home that you're just not feeling you and you would love <insert what you need to feel better> WHY? because they have no idea how your day was. They don't know what's going on in your head. They don't know what will make you better. but they can help if you give them the chance.
When you are thankful for your spouse, make sure you tell them.
Did they do some chores around the house? Notice it and thank them! Let them know how much it means. I get it, they live there too, they should do their part. But how would you feel if your spouse recognized when you do things! I know me, Id feel like superwoman vs feeling like I'm not doing enough.
Do you love when they give you the biggest greeting when you walk in the door? Tell them how much it means to you!
Do you love how they smile? Next time they do it, tell them how it's your favorite.
I feel often as a marriage goes, the norm is to just get by. Do what you need to get to bed time while you're trying to get everything done. You know, the mundane. One day it'll be better or easier.
I don't want you to just get by. That means it takes noticing the little things. It takes communication. It means trusting them with your heart, emotions and feelings.
This week, I encourage you. Start practicing using your voice. Trying to say how you feel and what you want. Not only will it help them, but it will help you understand your own heart and thought process!
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